apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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