I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
