I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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