I wish I could teleport
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
