You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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