Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
