The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
