I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
