Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
