I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
