is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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