I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
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ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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