Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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