Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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