why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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