help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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