I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize