Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
