In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
