Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
