On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
