Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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