NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
