I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My balls are so social today.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
