I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
