ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
