it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My vagina just clenched in fear
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
