What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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