): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
