Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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