mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
