I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
