You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize