If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
