video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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