I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
