Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
