Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
