I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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