Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
