I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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