i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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