you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
