i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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