i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
