I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
