sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So vagazzling was a success
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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