I CAN MOONWALK!
I am spending my child support on dildos
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
