I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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