Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
