Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
