Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
