Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
