$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
