Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize