I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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