I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
