Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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