"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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