Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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