I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
