he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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