Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
