in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I touched a dick in church today
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
