I feel like I'm in dance class right now
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
