you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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