what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
