The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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