We're facebook friends in real life
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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