you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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