I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize