i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
