Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
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Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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