he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
