I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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