In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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