i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
