dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
