so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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