Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
