The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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