operation have a gay friend backfired
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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