Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
