I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
