She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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