Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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