If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
