what day is it and did you see me today?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
