I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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